My Small Plates

Tender Mercies

2011-09-24T21:21:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of "Tender Mercies". According to the apostle David Bednar, "the Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. "

I am working at being more observant, more mindful, more conscious of the many tender mercies in my life.

Some are blatantly obvious. Others are more subtle.

There are little things like what I will try to always remember as "the lesson of the notebook." Tonight I went to a church meeting for all the adult women of the church. There was a light supper of soup & salad followed by a satellite broadcast of talks by various leaders from Salt Lake City. On my way out the door I put my scriptures and a notepad and pen in my bag and headed out. Then just as I was about to go out the door I got a very firm prompting that I should go back and get a SECOND notebook and pen. I had no idea why. I just knew it was something I should do.

As I sat in the cultural hall eating and visiting with other women I forgot all about that extra notebook and the unexplainable feeling I had received to go back to get it. But when we all moved into the chapel for the presentation of the talks I found myself sitting next to a young woman I did not know. She was fretting because in her haste to get ready to come to the meeting she had forgotten to bring something to write with. She wished she would be able to take notes during the meeting. I calmly reached into my bag and handed her the extra notepad and pen I had and said to her "thank you. Now I know why I was supposed to bring these."

It was just a LITTLE thing. But it showed me all over again that even when it comes to something as simple as a woman's need for a notebook so she could record and remember important spiritual direction, the Lord was mindful of her and prepared a way that her needs would be supplied.

I know in countless ways MY needs are met through interventions such as this. Too often I fail to give credit to my creator when they do.

So I want to start paying closer attention, to deliberately seek awareness of things for which I can and should be more grateful.

There are so very many blessings in my life these days that sometimes I take many of them for granted.

I am looking forward to turning that around.

Holy Week

2011-04-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

Several years ago I made the acquaintance of a remarkable group of people. They are the congregation of St. Silouan's Orthodox Church in Walla Walla, WA. I crossed paths with them in various ways. One was a professional colleague for a while. One was a friend from the blogoshere. One was a special friend and councilor when I was going through some tough personal times. I learned so very much from my Orthodox friends. On several occasion I attended services there and had many rich discussions with them about matters of faith. I have tremendous respect for that bunch.

Right now we are in the period called "Lent", a time of fasting and reflection leading up to Holy Week. There were years in the past when I made a point of practicing my own version of fasts and study during Lent. I did not do so this year. But I have been very conscious of the season and have thought often of my Orthodox and Catholic friends who experience it in deep and meaningful ways.

I am so grateful for the richness of my own testimony and understanding of my relationship with the creator. I do not understand why some people feel it threatens their beliefs to learn more about what other people believe.

I do not believe in trinity.
I do not believe in the need for a priest to confess to.
I do not believe in the level of ritual practiced by my my Orthodox friends.

But I absolutely have been inspired many times over by their sincere efforts to live their faith fully as they understand it. My walk with God has been made richer because of their examples.

As we approach "Holy Week" I think much of the Jesus Prayer they taught me, I remember times past when I was able to go to hear the story of St. Mary of Egypt or when I went to a Pascha celebration years ago...

Those memories are very sweet to me as we approach what I know as Easter (rather than Pascha) and gives me much to reflect on as I prepare to celebrate the reality that Christ is Risen.

Change in direction

2011-04-10T19:12:00.000-07:00

I've drifted away from following the book I started using as a bases for posts here, but that does not mean I have drifted away from trying to find a deeper understanding of and relationship with Christ. The book has beautiful artwork and some good reflective questions, but it just isn't what my spirit resonates with right now. I'd rather be immersed directly in the scriptures themselves rather than somebody else's experience and perceptions.

So I've set it down and am returning to reading more of the Bible and the Book of Mormon. I'm also studying talks from General Conference, words of living prophets today.

I go through spurts where I feel prompted to record my thoughts and feelings here so I have it to look back at over time and then I go through periods where I prefer to simply ponder it all quietly in my heart. But whether private or public, my walk to know the Savior continues.

Day 7 of 21 Days - A Promise Without Parallel

2011-02-20T15:22:00.000-08:00

"Inasmuch as ye are humble and faithful and call upon my name, behold, I will give you the victory." (D&C 104:8)

In today's lesson the author gives an analogy of running a 10K race as a symbol for building a strong relationship with the Savior. She says:

"Paul the Apostle has counseled us, 'Let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.' Heb 12:1-2 Each of us has been given the opportunity to run the race of life. We are given two guidelines as we run the race - to run with patience and to look to Christ. Running with patience suggests rhythm, pacing yourself, and being able to endure. Looking unto Jesus helps us understand we weren't sent to run the race alone."

I am not a runner. But still, this analogy works for me.
In 2001 I walked 60 miles in three days as part of the Avon 3-Day walk for breast cancer. Along with a little over 3,000 other people I went from Enumclaw, WA to Seattle. If you are at all familiar with that part of the country you will recognize there are some substantial hills between those two places. Also this particular walk was held in August, so it was really hot. It was a long, gruelling journey that taxed my endurance to its very edge. I spent months before hand training for this event and raising funds for the cause. Then, within the first hour after beginning the event, I had an accident. I fell.

Starting out on the walk I wanted to get a steady pace that I would be able to maintain throughout the morning. There were a lot of people filling up the road ahead of me that were going much slower than I wanted to walk. So, I tried to skirt around them. Keeping my eye on the horizon I did not realize that there was a rather abrupt drop from the edge of the pavement to a ditch below. There was tall grass that obscured the edge. When I stepped around the crowd of people I was trying to pass by my foot landed partially on the edge of the pavement and then slipped into the ditch. I seriously twisted my ankle and went tumbling down in the ditch, scraping my knees and hands.

After picking myself up and brushing myself off I determined that there was no serious damage other than a sprained ankle and some road rash. However, the prospect of walking for 60 miles in that shape was a daunting one. Several of the people around me encouraged me to give up. After all, I was injured. I couldn't really expect to keep walking with my foot like that.

I admit, for several minutes I did consider calling it quits. My foot HURT. However, I had a reason for doing that walk. My 25 yr old step daughter, Stacy, had died from cancer the year before. While her tumor had been in her chest wall and not her breast, the issue was the same for me. When she had been hurting she did not have the option of getting on the rescue van and calling it quits. I also thought of my sister-in-law, Donna, who had died from breast cancer some years before. I was not going to give up.

I teamed up with a couple from Detroit who stayed by me and encouraged me all along that long three day adventure. They comforted me when I was discouraged. They cheered me when I reached each incremental goal along the way. Step by step I stayed with it, and the victory in the end was so much sweeter because of the sacrifice I had made to get there.

In life sometimes, like that walk, we start out with grand intentions and then we fall. We find ourselves spiritually in a ditch, bruised and bleeding and sore. We can call it quits - bail out, get on the "rescue van" of abdicating our willingness to follow the path of the gospel. Or we can get up, brush ourselves off, and keep going step by excruciating step until we reach our goal.

Jesus Christ has given us many rich promises that if we will follow Him and endure to the end that we will be blessed. It isn't always easy to do what we know is right. The "natural man" quite often will make us want to quit. However, I know that through the presence of the Holy Spirit we will have the Lord's influence comforting and encouraging us on our path towards eternal life if we can just muster the courage to get up and brush ourselves off when we fall, to humble ourselves enough for true repentance and to keep going step by step.

Day 6 of 21 days - When Hope is Gone

2011-02-13T18:08:00.000-08:00

Today's lesson is about Hope.

As I ponder the role that hope has in my life today, I cannot help but think back to some times not so long ago when I was at the end of my rope, when I felt no hope. Today I am buoyed up by hope, clearly on track for looking ahead. That was not always the case for me.

I turn to the scriptures to see what they have to say about hope... there are so many passages, both of people who clung tight to the shining star of hope to get them through their trials and those who felt hopeless.

How do we retain "a perfect brightness of hope" when everything around us seems to be crashing?

Right now my life is good. Right now I am very much aware of the many blessings I have surrounding me. It's easy to feel hopeful when I have the sun shining full on my face. However, I've lived enough years to know that somewhere down the road, maybe sooner or maybe later, there will be other dark patches to be walked through. How can I retain hope then?

I think of Christ's struggle in Gethsemane, and the disappointment he surely must have felt when his dearest disciples kept falling asleep rather than standing ready to support him.

I think of Job, and the tremendous heartache he must have felt when after all his many losses his own few remaining friends suggested he should just curse God and die.

I think of others who faced incredible sorrows, times when the light seemed very far away indeed. How do they keep hold of hope?

Then, as I pray about this and ponder it, the question shifts for me. How might I help bring hope to others who might be struggling now? How can I build reservoirs of faith and strength in my own life to sustain me so the next time I have to face a major adversity I will remember well the sense of clarity, peace and hope that I can feel now?

Part of what helps me is to REMEMBER that having trials and difficulty are part of the plan for this life. When everything goes wrong, odd as it may seem, it really does help me to recall that I'm right on schedule. I'm learning. I'm experiencing. Even if it's shattering me. Especially if it's shattering me. That's what living in this fallen mortal world is for. To learn to endure, to learn to depend on the Lord no matter what.

I have a testimony of Jesus Christ as having been a real person who indeed lived and taught people on the shores of Galilee. I also have a testimony of Him being the Son of God, and my own personal savior and redeemer.

I have a testimony that through Christ, there is every reason for HOPE.

I know there will be times it will be harder to feel that.

Today, I go on record saying that I absolutely know this to be true. Now I just HOPE that I can stick by those convictions when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, when I face losses, when it feels like all reason for hope is gone.

I found this while searching for info on Hope all over the web:

"The late Henri Nouwen wrote, “Trust is the basis of life. Without trust, no human being can live. Trapeze artists offer a beautiful image of this.
Flyers have to trust their catchers. They can do the most spectacular doubles, triples, or quadruples, but what finally makes their performance spectacular are the catchers who are there for them at the right time in the right place.

Much of our lives is flying. It is wonderful to fly in the air free as a bird, but when God isn’t there to catch us, all our flying comes to nothing. Let’s trust in the Great Catcher.”

Do you trust God with every area of your life? Hope needs trust because part of hoping in someone or something is that there is a level of trust present for such hope to exist.

What is the Holy Spirit saying you to this morning about your hope?"

Found HERE from "Establishing Your Hope in Christ" at "Le padre ver livre" a Wordpress blog credited as "a smalltown pastor's sermons, book reviews, and other thoughts."

Photo credit: Agony in the Garden by Fra Angelico c. 1450 found HERE.

Day 5 of 21 Days - Who is this Jesus?

2011-01-23T20:05:00.000-08:00

Whom say ye that I am? - Matthew 16:15

Some of the names Jesus Christ has been known by:
The Messiah
The Holy One of Israel
The Lord of All
The High Priest of Good Things to Come
The Good Shepherd
The Prince of Peace
The Giver of Every Good Gift
The Light of the World
The Teacher
The Fount of Every Blessing
The Son of God
The Savior

Who is He to ME?

We read in the scriptures "He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. He came unto his own, and his own received him not." (John 1:10-11)

Do I fully receive him or know him?

Today's lesson speaks about the Samaritan woman at the well. She was there going about her business drawing water. What began as an ordinary task became life changing for her.

To what extent to I make room for communication with the Savior through the promptings of the Holy Ghost on a daily basis as I am doing my own mundane tasks?

In the Sacrament prayers we ask that we might ALWAYS have his spirit to be with us.
Yet so often I allow the distractions of daily life to crowd out spiritual awareness.

I DO need to earn a living. I DO need to do my daily ordinary, mundane tasks.
I cannot stop those things to immerse myself in prayer and scriptures every minute of every day. Still, how can I do a better job of keeping a prayer in my heart throughout the day? How can I draw closer to God and to the Savior so that they are with me always? What would my life be life if I did? What will it be like if I don't?

These are things I need to ponder and pray on more.....

Photo Credit: Woman at the Well by Simon Dewey found HERE

Day 4 of 21 Days - Never Stopping, Ever Searching

2011-01-16T20:31:00.000-08:00

"The cultivation of Christlike qualities is a demanding and relentless task--it is not for the seasonal worker or for those who will not stretch themselves, again and again." -- Spencer W. Kimball

The lesson today focuses on the story of Jairus - one of the "rulers of the synagogue" whose only daughter was on the verge of death. The scriptures tell how he sought out the Savior that he might heal her. However, while he journeyed in his search, the young girl died. In the account in Mark we read of the messenger who came with the sad news, saying "Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any Further?" However, Jesus continued on with Jairus into his house and there performed the miracle of raising the young girl back to life.

The reading about this focuses on how Jairus was relentless and single minded in searching for the savior.

And then the following challenge is posed:

"Think back on a time in your life when you had to search of the Savior to find strength beyond your own. Try to remember the process you went through in that search. Was it scripture study, more meaningful prayers, or another avenue that led you to Christ? Stretch again. Apply one of those principles today."

It is so easy to get caught up in the business of life, to focus on work and other obligations. It is all to easy to become casual in our desire to seek the Savior. Too often it is only in our extremity - such as when we are concerned for the health or safety of one of our kids or some other crisis situation that we dedicate all our energies to turning toward the Savior.

My challenge is to turn to him when there is no immedicate crisis bringing me to my knees.

Elder Craig C. Christensen of the Seventy gave a good talk in May 2003 Titled
Seek, and Ye Shall Find. In that talk Christensen councils that "as we engage our faith and commit our energy to draw closer to Jesus Christ, we begin to understand more fully who He really is."

I still have a long way to go in understanding and more completely following the teachings of Jesus Christ. The thing for me to remember is that is is the JOURNEY of seeking him out that will bless my life, not any final destination.

Photo Credit: The Raising Of Jairus' Daughter - by Ilya Yefimovich Repin 1844-1930
Found HERE

Day 3 of 21 Days - A Common Thread

2011-01-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

Today's lesson focuses on the importance of keeping sacred records - of journaling about answers to prayer and about moments of inspiration.

This lesson quotes Spencer W. Kimball who said: "We renew our appeal for the keeping of individual histories and accounts of sacred experiences in our lives - answered prayers, inspiration from the Lord, administrations in our behalf, a record of the special times and events of our lives. From these records you can also appropriately draw as you relay faith-promoting stories in your family circles and discussions. Stories of inspiration from our own lives and those of our forebears as well as stories from our scriptures and our history are powerful teaching tools. I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to you, each other, your children, your grandchildren, and others throughout the generations." "Therefore I Was Taught" Ensign, Jan 1982, p4)

Freeman writes about studying the journal written by her husband's great-grandmother and how many members of their family have been inspired and uplifted by the record that woman left. I too have been blessed by reading the histories of others. I have enjoyed helping some of my family members compile records of their own lives. I hope in the coming year I can be more diligent about recording some of my own stories. It's time.

There are lots of articles about the value of keeping a journal. Here are just a few:
The Importance of Keeping A Journal
How To Keep A Journal
Types of Journal Writing

However, I can see real wisdom is taking special care to record the sacred parts of my life - the feelings and thoughts I experience as I study, ponder and pray so that I can establish a record of my spiritual journey. This can become an important record for my family, but also a rich resource for me to reflect back on it in times of challenge or stress. Working through the lessons in this book feels like a good way to begin that process.

A quote that particularly impressed me was from a Dec 2007 Liahona article "There Shall Be a Record Kept Among You" by Marlin K Jensen. In answer to the question of why Latter-day Saints are counseled to keep histories Jensen stated "The scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon, make clear that “remembering” is a fundamental and saving principle of the gospel. We keep records to help us remember. Remembering the past gives us needed perspective as God’s children to have faith in our future destiny and thus to live more faithfully in the present."

As I read those words I could feel the truth of them. I was also reminded of a talk by Henry B. Eyring about the power of recording daily ways that the Lord touches our lives. He said: "You could ask yourself, 'How did God Bless me today?' If you do that long enough and with faith, you will find yourself remembering blessings. And sometimes you will have gifts brought to your mind which you failed to notice during the day, but which you will then know were a touch of God's hand in your life."

There are some things I will be willing to record here on this blog as I continue to work my way through the lessons of this book in the coming weeks. However there are other things that will be so deeply personal that I would not put them out on a public display. So I will begin with a new book for my personal writings and hope that in the weeks and months to follow I will be diligent in recording the things of true worth.

Day 2 of 21 Days - Take His Name

2011-01-12T22:39:00.001-08:00

"Behold, I will lead thee by my hand, and I will take thee, to put upon thee my name." - Abraham 1:18

On page 13 Emily Freeman writes: "By partaking of the sacrament we covenant that we are willing to take upon us the name of His Son, and always remember Him, especially in our daily walk and conversation. (D&C 20:7).

King Benjamin said, "Therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ...And it shall come to pass that whosoever does this shall be found at the right hand of God, for he shall know the name by which he is called, for he shall be called by the name of Christ." (Mosiah 5: 8-9)

It has become fashionable for many women to retain their maiden names when they marry. All three of my brothers wives have felt this was an important part of honoring their own identity. Not so for me. When I married my husband nearly 30 years ago I assumed his last name. I've never believed that made me any less a person in my own right. It was instead, for me, an important symbol of our union and my new role as his wife.

What does it mean to take on the name of Christ?

Dallin Oaks gave a great talk on this topic in APRIL 1985 conference which you can read HERE (with all the proper citations for associated scriptures)

I've read through it once in detail and am now going back to read all the referenced scriptures to gain a better understanding of this complex concept.

Additional material on this subject is found in the Family Home Evening Resource Book, Lesson 13 - Baptism and the Name of Christ.

I've been pondering this some and what I keep coming back to is this...the story most associated with taking upon us the name of Christ is that of the Last Supper. I believe it is very significant that BEFORE the first sacrament, Christ got down and washed the feet of his disciples. Then he blessed the bread and the wine and taught them the doctrine of the sacrament as symbols for his body and his blood.

So I am thinking deeply about ways that I can better prepare myself for worthily partaking of the sacrament. How can I more lovingly serve, how can I more fully submit to the will of the father in full humility, to follow his example to the best of my ability?

In my mind THAT is the key to taking on His name.

I'm going to more seriously study, ponder and pray about the words to the sacrament prayers and try to establish a pattern of experiencing the sacrament with more meaning and purpose.

Account of the Last Supper - John 13: 4-15
Sacrament Prayers: D&C 20: 77-79

Photo Credit: Jesus Washing Peter's Feet by Ford Maddox Brown - 1876
Found HERE

DAY 1 of 21 Days - Come and See

2011-01-09T21:50:00.000-08:00

THE INVITATION - Come and See...

The first passage of the 21 Days closer to Christ book talks about invitations. So, throughout this past week I have read and reflected on passages of Christ inviting us to come unto him:

3 Nephi 9:14
Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.

Ether 4:13
Come unto me, O ye Gentiles, and I will show unto you the greater things, the knowledge which is hid up because of unbelief.

Luke 9:23
¶And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

Doctrine and Covenants 38:22
Wherefore, hear my voice and follow me, and you shall be a free people, and ye shall have no laws but my laws when I come, for I am your lawgiver, and what can stay my hand?

My main focus for this week has been on Mark 1:16-18.

Now as he walked by the sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and Andrew his brother casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers.

And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men.

And straightway they forsook their nets, and followed him.

It is so easy to get caught up, to be more concerned with the things of this world than of the things which would bring me eternal life. It is so easy to say "just a minute, Lord, I'll be with you in a bit..." How can I be more like those fishermen who STRAIGHTWAY put down their nets and followed?

What things do I need to put down, like the fisherman's nets, in order to follow Christ?

These are things I will continue to pray over and ponder as I work my way through my 21 days(weeks) of drawing closer to Christ.

Photo credit: Jesus calls James and John while they are mending nets by O.A. Stemler Found at Biblical Art on the WWW HERE

21 Days Closer to Christ

2011-01-06T11:44:00.000-08:00

Two or three years ago I bought the book "21 Days Closer to Christ" by Emily Freeman, with paintings by Simon Dewey. I was very impressed by the beautiful pictures and uplifting message of this book. However, I have to admit, even thought I read through most of it at the time I purchased it, I never applied the book the way it was intended.

So now I am going back to the book again, this time with a more deliberate purpose. My intent is to not just read, but STUDY, PONDER and PRAY about each of the sections in the book over a period of time.

Today for Gospel Doctrine class (adult Sunday School class for my church) I had been asked ahead of time to share a favorite scripture from the New Testament and explain why it was meaningful for me.

The passage I turned to was Mark 1:16-18 which says: "now as he walked by the sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and Andrew- his brother casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers. And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men. And straightway they forsook their nets, and followed him."

In the margin of that page I had written:
What things do I need to put down like the fisherman's nets in order to follow Christ? How can I straightway forsake all that stands in my way?

I spoke about the importance of not just removing myself from sin and evil, but also of recognizing when GOOD and WORTHY things may be taking so much of my time, focus and attention that I lose sight of what is eternal. I talked about how this scripture reminds me of the danger of distraction. While I cannot just walk away from earning a living at this point, I CAN walk away from having my thoughts focused so much on things of this world.

When I read this for the class I noticed that over at the top of the page I had written: Day One: 3/8/08 - "Come and See..." Apparently back then I had started out studying the scriptures with the Freeman book as a guide. Unfortunately, I know I never got very far with it. I plan to do better this time.

Over on Mind-Muffins, my primary blog, I recently wrote a post about the power of persistence. Too many times in the past I've started various projects or goals but have given up on them when they got frustrating or difficult. As we begin a new year I am deliberately NOT setting myself up with any specific resolutions, mostly because of all the many times in the past I've started out with grand hopes and plans only to watch myself dwindle in resolve when I got too busy, too bored, too distracted or too frustrated either by lack of immediate results or mediocre outcomes from my early attempts.

If there is one area in my life I would really like to improve it is this -I want to become more consistent and develop greater follow through on the things that I start. I want to strengthen my ability to "endure to the end."

I managed to stick with it on my sock project. I know how rewarding it was in that case simply to start out with a worthwhile goal and see it through to completion, even though there were times I really did want to quit. Strengthening my knowledge about and testimony of Jesus Christ has the potential to be far more powerful in my life that creating fuzzy socks. So in this I am determined to stay with it this time all the way to the end.

I am beginning again with mindful, deliberate study of the scriptures, following the outline of this book. By incorporating what I learn from this study into my blog it will give me a level of accountability - as well as a record I can refer back to later. However, rather than trying once more to do something I know I'm not likely to follow through on consistently, this time I am going to go about it just a bit differently to be a better fit for my life. Instead of doing this every single day, I am going to focus on one section each Sunday after church. When I have the time and the interest I will post on other days throughout the week. But I am COMMITTING to doing it AT LEAST every Sunday.

This feels like a good way to start out the new year...way better than the stacks of resolutions that in the past have gone flapping in the wind by Valentine's Day.

So I begin with the Invitation spoken of so often in the scriptures, and in the hymn "If With All Your Hearts" (Children's Songbook 15):
"If with all your hearts ye truly seek me,
Ye shall ever surely find me,
Thus saith our God."

D&C 86:63
"Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

Psalms 105:4
"Seek the Lord, and his strength: seek his face evermore."

Jeremiah 29:13
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Praying with all my might

2011-01-05T21:38:00.001-08:00

One of my very dearest friends on this planet is having some major health challenges. She has clearly been walking step by step through the refiner's fire. Tomorrow she will have a medical procedure that we are all hoping will bring her some relief from the unrelenting, excruciating pain which has been her burden for some time now. Will it work? No way to know. So tonight and tomorrow I will pray for her with each and every breath. Breath in - Dear father - Breath out - be with my friend. Breath in - Dear father - Breath out - be with my friend.
It's times like this that saying "Thy will be done" is especially difficult.
I just want her well. Even though I trust that God does know what is best and it will all work out however it is supposed to, I just want her well. Even though I accept that pain and adversity are intended pieces of this fallen mortal world, I just want her well. So I breath...Dear father... be with my friend. I hope for comfort, I hope for healing. But no matter what else happens, I hope for her whole spirit to be suffused with love. Breath in, breath out. Hold fast to prayer with each and every breath. Dear father... be with my friend.

Flames and Faith

2010-12-30T22:04:00.000-08:00

I was saddened by the fire that burned the Provo Tabernacle the other day. However, as the clean up begins an intriguing story came out. Apparently the image of Jesus Christ from the classic picture of Second Coming of Christ did not burn even though everything around it went up in flames. Some are calling it a "Christmas Miracle". I don't see it quite that way. Still, it DID serve to remind me that even when it feels like our lives are going up in flames with all the problems of this fallen mortal world, so long as we stay focused on our faith in Jesus Christ we will be able to endure.

Christmas on Temple Square

2010-12-27T18:14:00.000-08:00

My beloved and I are in Salt Lake for a holiday get away. Tonight we walked all over Temple Square seeing the magnificent light display and then walked through the visitor center. We watched several of the short films about various stories of the Book of Mormon. We also walked through the Tabernacle - and that's where the spirit hit me hard.

We were there during a down time so there wasn't anything particular going on. No concert. No speaker. Still, just being there in this amazing historical building where every prophet since Brigham Young has had an opportunity to speak felt signficant. I could feel the cumulative truth of the words that have been spoken in that room so strongly I could not help but weep. As I stood there looking up at the amazing pipe organ I thought of different talks I have heard from various conferences over the past 30 years and felt all over again a deep strength from that council that has sustained me and guided me in so many ways.

Too often I get into a rut in my church activity...going through the motions of leading a reasonably righteous LDS life, but losing sight of the power that is the core truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Yet every now and then I have these peak spiritual experiences when I feel the presence of God in my life in such an undeniably tangible way. I have these sacred opportunities to feel the witness of the Holy Ghost bearing the absolute truth of the teachings to my mind and heart in a manner that awakens my spirit with a sense of coming home. That's when I am reminded all the way to my bones of why I am trying in my fumbling mortal way to follow these teachings.

As we stood before the Christus statue I was able to spend several minutes in quiet reflection, and I was impressed with some answers to prayers that have been in my heart for several weeks. I was humbled by the certainty of the reality of the atonement, and of an overwhelming sense of the Savior's love.

I know that I will continue to cycle in and cycle out of feeling this special sort of closeness to my Heavenly Father. There will still be times I will get caught up with the concerns of every day life and be consumed with things of this world. But I also know that there will be a part of me that will hold on to this moment, just like I do other similar sacred witnesses I have felt over the years. Times like this carry me through to help me always remember the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true and that I am a child of God. It's real.

What a special gift to get this Christmas season...such a fierce reminder of why we have Christmas at all. It's not just a charming story. It happened. Thank you Heavenly Father for giving me these moments. Help me hold on to them. Help me not forget.

Finding Kindred Spirits

2010-12-22T01:40:00.000-08:00

I just stumbled on a new blog that I am VERY impressed with.

It is We Seek After These Things

It is a group writing project by some valiant women who aim to keep the spirit in their lives. You can bet I will be going back there again to do more reading of earlier posts. Already I can tell there are some real gems there!

Sanctity of Marriage

2010-10-08T22:22:00.000-07:00

I believe in eternal marriage. I believe in making sacred covenants to cleave to one man throughout my whole life and throughout all eternity.

One of the things that sets the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints apart from other faiths is our belief in marriage for "time and all eternity". In a time in our society when many think marriage is passe', we believe very strongly in the sanctity of marriage not just "till death do you part" but forever.

Perhaps the basic belief in enduring bonds is not that unusual. I've talked to lots of people from other faiths (or no faith at all) who say they believe they will be with their spouse and family in the hereafter. I've heard it said that they believe their love will endure beyond this mortal walk on earth. However, for the LDS faith, it is a key part of our doctrine. We believe that when worthy men and women area "sealed" as husband and wife in the holy temples, we truly are united for eternity.

HOWEVER.... that does not mean our marriages are bullet proof. Not by a long shot. Living with another person is wonderful and joyful and sometimes just plain hard.

All marriages have good times and tough times. The trick is to learn how to navigate the challenges with grace, humor and compassion for one another so that we can continue the journey to get the joy of the good parts.

Tonight my husband and I went to a church meeting intended for married couples where a marriage counselor gave a really amazing talk on how to build strong unions. The presenter made a key distinction that I think is absolutely vital. He spoke abut COMMITMENT being the critical base of all relationships, with communication coming after that. I agree. While being able to effectively communicate in a relationship is extremely important, if we are not committed to one another and to the union, all the best communication in the word will not save us.

Our Bishop also spoke at the meeting, relaying the story of his grandparents and all the things he learned about healthy marriages from them. He cautioned us to beware of the "deal breakers". Things he spoke of that can ruin a marriage included:

One spouse trying to control or dominate the other
infidelity
selfishness
unrealistic expectations

As he was speaking I thought of my own marriage of 29 years. I LOVE my sweet husband. Yet I know there have been times I have been selfish. I know there have been times I have had unrealistic expectations.

Those are things I can work on in order to improve the strength of our marriage.

Because I am in this for the long haul.
I am in this for keeps.

I am absolutely committed to this marriage for time and all eternity.
What an amazing blessing that is!

Provident Living - Pursuit of Excellence

2010-09-27T21:29:00.000-07:00

One of the things I appreciate most about my faith is the many ways it encourages me to set and reach for worthy goals. I've been looking through some old files of mine and pulled out a list of standards that I worked on in a very deliberate way a few years back. Some of the goals I set then I've accomplished entirely. Some I made significant progress on but never QUITE hit the mark I had hoped for. A few things I floundered in hopelessly.

I think it is time for me to polish off some of these, review them, and see where they fit into my life now.

AREA 1: LITERACY & EDUCATION

The STANDARD = To the extent of his/her capacity, each person is able to read, write and do basic mathematics. S/he regularly studies the scriptures and other good books. Parents teach these skills and habits to family members, and both parents and children take advantage of educational opportunities.

>AREA 2: CAREER DEVELOPMENT

The STANDARD = Each young person receives counsel to help select a career in which s/he can use his/her talents and skills in meaningful employment. Each person selects a suitable vocation and becomes proficient through appropriate training.

AREA 3: FINANCIAL & RESOURCE MANAGEMENT

The STANDARD = Each person establishes financial goals, pays tithes and offerings, avoids debt, pays obligations, uses family resources wisely, and saves during times of plenty for times of need.

AREA 4: HOME PRODUCTION & STORAGE

The STANDARD = Each person or family produces as much as possible through gardening, sewing, and making household items. Each person and family learns techniques of home canning, freezing and drying foods and, where legally permitted, stores a one-year supply of food, clothing, and, if possible, fuel.

AREA 5: PHYSICAL HEALTH

The STANDARD = Each person obeys the Word of Wisdom and practices sound principles of nutrition, physical fitness, weight control, immunization, sanitation, mother and child health, accident prevention, dental health and medical care. Members live in a healthy and clean environment. In addition, each member acquires appropriate skills in first aid safety, home nursing and food selection and preparation.

AREA 6: Social / Emotional & Spiritual Strength

The STANDARD = Each person builds spiritual strength to meet life's challenges with confidence and stability by learning to love God and communicate with Him in personal prayer; to love and serve his/her neighbor, and to love and respect her/himself through righteous living and self mastery. Social emotional and spiritual strength is increased by living the principles of the gospel.

Conference Sunday

2010-09-27T20:46:00.001-07:00

What would you do if you heard that there was an opportunity to hear Moses, Ezekiel, Daniel or Jonah or some of the other biblical prophets giving talks at a local venue? What sacrifice would you be willing to make to be sure you were there?
This weekend I am going to have that very sort of opportunity. It will not be BIBLICAL prophets. It will be living, breathing modern day prophets. While that may lack some of the novelty of hearing from Noah or Joshua, to my way of thinking, that has even more value since they will be prepared to address folks about the challenges of TODAY.

One of the unique characteristics of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that we believe that God speaks to prophets today much the same as he did anciently. We sustain the presidents of our church as prophets. We believe they truly receive messages from God which are meant for all the world. We also consider the members of the Quorum of the Twelve to be prophets, seers and revelators.
I have had many experiences of listening to these inspired leaders and have felt the witness of the Holy Ghost telling me their words were true and truly from God.

Some may think that is just more than a little wacko. For me, it is something very sacred.

This weekend my church will be holding a world-wide conference, which they do twice a year. Speakers from among the general authorities (meaning leaders whose assignment is worldwide rather than specific to a particular area) will address us from the conference center at Salt Lake City. It will be broadcast live by satellite, TV, radio and internet to hundreds of countries throughout the world. Some will get a delayed recorded feed with translation. In addition, the messages given will be written and printed in the Ensign magazine, which can be accessed both in print and online at lds.org

This conference isn’t just another church meeting. It truly is a gathering of prophets giving the precise council to the world that the Lord has inspired them to know as what is most needful for this time. I think that is pretty significant.

Different people have different attitudes about general conference. For some, it is treated like an LDS holiday. It is one of the few Sundays when people don’t have to worry about preparing lessons or doing their “calling”, whatever work assignment they may have in the church which could range from leading music to tending the library, caring for toddlers in nursery or counting the number of people who attend sacrament. Because it is so easy to access the messages later, a lot of people skip out on conference Sundays. I’ve certainly been known to be among that group.

In years past, I must admit, I found conference to be pretty boring. It was just a bunch of old white men (for the most part) talking on and on and on about things I had already heard a hundred times.
Pray.
Read Your Scriptures.
Pay Tithing.
Follow the commandments.

There was nothing sparkling or new.

So, way more times than I care to admit, I would pass on the live sessions of conference, with the best of intentions of viewing it later, or at the very least reading the messages with they came out in Ensign. Sometimes I followed up. Sometimes I did not.

In recent years, however, my attitude has changed about general conference.
Now I find myself getting genuinely EXCITED at the prospect of hearing these messages.

This time I am working to prepare myself to be open, ready, alert and worthy to not only hear what these leaders will share, but especially to get my own witness from the Holy Spirit of the truth of those words.

I believe in living prophets.

I believe they will have a message that will apply specifically to ME, that will help me to address the challenges in my own life – perhaps even some things I have confided to no one, but which surely my creator knows.

The degree to which I will receive those answers will be directly proportional to the extent to which I come to conference SEEKING personal revelation and ready to be led.

I am so grateful for the modern technology which allows me to sit in the comfort of my home and listen to living prophets.

I am eager to discover what it is that God has in store for me and for the world right now.

Windex Lessons

2010-09-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

Today I spent some time cleaning the church where I worship each Sunday.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints there is no paid ministry.
In like manner, most of the janitorial duties done at the thousands of chapels and temples throughout the world are done by assignment to the the members who benefit from those buildings rather than by someone paid to do the job.

I like that.

I believe by having a system wherein the members themselves take care of the buildings they worship in helps us to better appreciate the blessing those buildings are.

Beyond that, there are plenty of other lessons I learn every time I go to clean at the church or in the temple.

For one, the rooms I vacuum are never really all that dirty. Oh sure, there are the occasional dust bunnies or a bit of chalk dust. Sometimes the primary room has some left over glitter or cracker crumbs. But for the most part, (especially in the temple) I am vacuuming rooms that to the casual glance appear pretty clean.

That serves as a reminder to me to be vigilant in maintaining cleanliness in my heart and mind on a regular basis rather than waiting for a big bad stain.

Another thing I learn is that my service is accepted even when it is not perfect. Today I spent quite a bit of time trying to get the hard water stains off the glass in one of the entry ways. The sprinkler system splashes there and it has left sediment on one of the side panels around the door. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. It looks better. But it still has hard water spots that I can see.

I gave it my best effort. That's all God ever expects.

Giving service is a large part of what living my religion is for me. I'm truly grateful I had the opportunity to do this work at the chapel today. Now if I can just train my heart to feel that much joy in scrubbing my own floors....

Paradigm Shift

2009-09-08T00:44:00.000-07:00

"...for as a flame increases when it is constantly fed, so prayer, made often, with the mind dwelling ever more deeply in God, arouses divine love in the heart."

I've been thinking a lot lately about prayer.

The above quote is from a book titled "The Art of Prayer: An Orthodox Anthology" - compiled by Iguman Chariton of Valamo, Translated by E. Kadloubovsky and E.M. Palmer, edited by Timothy Ware. (which all makes for a rather complicated footnote, to say the least.)

In Thesalonians 5:17 we are exhorted to "pray without ceasing".

But what does prayer really mean to me?
Do I expect my faithful prayers to significantly alter the outcome of circumstances in my life? In the past, I would have clearly said yes to that. More recently, however, I've begun to wonder.

Lately I've come to think that prayers are NOT to shift what happens TO me,
but rather what happens IN me.

For many years I've said the words "thy will be done" at the conclusion of many of my prayers. But I doubt I've ever really, truly MEANT those words. What I wanted, what I EXPECTED, was that if I was good enough and had enough faith, Heavenly Father would smile down upon me and grant me my wish, so long as it was a righteous desire.

I knew it would be inappropriate to pray for a Mazaradi. But I believed it was ok to pray for safety, pray for either myself or someone close to me to be healed from sickness, pray for things I really needed.

Sometimes those things did come. Sometimes they didn't.

What made the difference? Was it that mysterious thing named "God's Will"? Was it how much faith I exherted? Was it just random?

At different times I've believe it was each of these.

Recently there was something I prayed for with all the intent of my heart. It was something I felt was a righteous desire, something that would bless the life of a person very dear to me. I put all my faith on the line for this. It did not happen.

I was crushed. I was beyond disappointed. I was devastated that this did not come to pass.

Now, I have had LOTS of experience with wanting something, NOT getting it, and then recognizing at some later point that it was actually a GOOD thing that the answer had been NO to that particular prayer. While I am not a country music fan, I have long appreciated the Garth Brooks song that says:
"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.
Remember when your talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."

Truly, as the Brooks song later says: "I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all." I know this with every fiber of my being, even when this thing I prayed for so fervently STILL seems like the right thing. I cannot, at this point, see any way that the person I love or anyone else involved is better off as a result of how things turned out. I still grieve for the missed opportunity. But I GET IT that I have a limited, finite view of things. I do not know what is for the best in the ETERNAL perspective.

So these days I am shifting my prayers quite a bit. I am no longer praying that I get a certain job or that my infertile friend will conceive or that my children or grandchildren will have certain blessings in their life. I still want those things. But I am not asking for any of them anymore.

For a while I was not asking because I was mad at God.
But I got over that.

Now I am not asking because I am acknowledging that I really and truly cannot see what is for the best. While there are plenty of things I WISH would happen, that I HOPE will happen, stuff I long for and dream about... I am crystal clear that being COMFORTABLE or SAFE or HAPPY or HEALTHY in this moment are not always the things I need.

So now when I pray I'm trying to bring only two things to the table.
#1 is gratitude for all the many blessing I already do have.
#2 is asking for ACCEPTANCE of whatever God's will for me may be.

God knows my heart. He knows what I want. Sometimes I will lay those out there...but I try to do it in such a way as to say: as I am consumed with the desire for XYZ, please help me accept whatever thy will may be.

In the great example prayer that Jesus Christ gave, He said "Give us this day our daily bread" and "Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

This shows me that it is appropriate to ask God to have our basic needs met and to go to him for protection.

Still, I think for way too much of my life I've treated prayer presumptuously.
I believed that if I asked, God would provide (within reason).

Now I am more sure than ever that even though there will be lots of times God will not give me what I long for with all my heart, even though he will not always make things clear or comfortable or turn out with happy endings in this life

ETERNALLY the creator of this world does have a plan and is mindful of me. I can trust that even when I cannot see it or understand.

Trust In the Lord With All Your Heart

2009-01-17T08:55:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 3:5 says: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding."

I believe in God. I really do. TRUST is a harder thing for me to accomplish.

I have no doubt that God is real. I have no doubt that God is all powerful. I believe that God CAN do anything. I'm not always so sure that the actions God WILL take are going to be what I would recognize as "Good" for me.

I generally believe that in the ETERNAL sense of the grand plan, all things collectively work together for good. But I strongly suspect that along the way of accomplishing all that good, sometimes individual lives must cope with all sorts of chaos, confusion and suffering. And that scares me. While I accept that God knows and loves me, I know from experience that in the interest of preserving free agency (both my own and that of others), and as a consequence of the fallen nature of this mortal world, horrible things will be allowed to occur in my life no matter how good or how faithful I may be.

So just what is it I am supposed to TRUST? Trust that He knows what is best for me? Trust that even when crummy stuff happens He can turn it into something good, even something holy?

YES.

Still, I struggle a lot with sorting out how much I should simply surrender to my life, being content to bear witness and learn from whatever unfolds there, and how much I should go all pro-active, deliberately striving to shape and mold the direction I will go in.

I really do believe that God has a plan for me. He just hasn't chosen to share the details of exactly what that entails. So I must stand in the face of tremendous uncertainty and ambivalence. I am now at a crossroads in my life once more - trying to decide what sort of work I will do and where in the country I will choose to live.

Does it matter to God if I am a teacher or a plumber or a social worker or a sales clerk? I don't really think so. Does he care if I live in Oregon or Arizona, Idaho or Alaska? I'm not sure.

Sometimes I think that events have been put into place specifically in order to guide me to a different situation where I will be able to influence and/or be influenced by particular people I need to come in contact with. Other times that seems pretty arrogant. Surely God has plenty of other people fit to do whatever job that needs doing in other places and it seems to stand to reason that there is plenty of important work I could accomplish right here were I am now. Why would I think I am so uniquely qualified or necessary to carry out some specific part of His plan somewhere else?

I honestly don't know what to think.

Did God influence the mergers of multi-national corporations so we would experience a transfer from Arizona to Ohio where my testimony of the gospel found fertile ground for growth? Was it God's hand at work when company changes came again, sending us this time to Michigan where my sweet husband served as Branch President for seven and a half years and had many opportunities to be a force for good among the people he served? Or does God simply USE rather than orchestrate events? Maybe stuff just happens and God then takes whatever circumstances occur to accomplish His will.

Does it matter which is which?

I just flat out do not know.

I want to TRUST that God will guide me and then provide the requisite opportunities I need to do whatever it is He wants me to do. However, I don't always have confidence I will recognize that guidance when it comes.

One of my core beliefs is that faith and fear cannot co-exist. One will always push out the other. I want to live my life focused on FAITH. That, more than anything else, is what I am working to do. But TRUST...that is a totally different kettle of fish, and really, really hard for me. There is much about trusting which I have yet to learn.

In the coming months, I have no doubt that the lessons will appear...

I Believe In Christ

2009-01-11T09:02:00.001-08:00

This morning I was exploring around the website JesusChrist.lds.org which is a relatively new tool my church has developed to proclaim to the world what it is we believe about Jesus Christ. It's a great resource!

There is so much uncertainty in the world... now, more than ever I think it matters that I hold on tight to the one thing I KNOW I can be sure of: God lives. He is real. He is the creator of this world, this universe, and my spirit. He knows me on a very specific, personal, individual level and He cares about the choices I make. He has my best interest at heart. He wants me to be all I was created to be.

There is a great deal I do not know, but this I know for sure. God lives.

One of my very favorite scriptures in the Book of Mormon is Mosiah 4:9 which says:
"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend. "

That's for sure. But it's totally ok that I do not comprehend it all, because HE does. When I am lost, I know that HE will help me find my way.

Forgiveness Sunday

2008-03-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

Today is called "Forgiveness Sunday" among my Orthodox friends. At the beginning of Lent each year they practice a formal ritual of asking each other's forgiveness for any offence, discourtesy or disrespect which may have come between them over the past year. This prepares them well for the sacrament of Penance when they ask the Lord to forgive their sins, which forgiveness will be granted us only if we ourselves forgive each other. "If ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matt. 6.14, 15)"

Also on this Sunday there is a commemoration of the expulsion of Adam and Eve from paradise.

Adam was banished from Paradise through disobedience
and cast out from delight,
beguiled by the words of a woman.
Naked he sat outside the garden, lamenting 'Woe is me!'
Therefore let us all make haste to accept the season of the Fast
and hearken to the teaching of the Gospel,
that we may gain Christ's mercy
and receive once more a dwelling-place in Paradise.

(Sticheron from Lord I have cried, 6th tone, Forgiveness Sunday)

During the 40 days of Lent, those who observe the fast will eat no meat, milk, cheese, eggs or other dairy products. From Forgiveness Sunday until Pascha there are other physical sacrifices made as well. However, the teaching about this that is most powerful to me says: "The services of the church and the fathers stress over and over that our physical fast from food is useless if we do not also strive to "fast" from our iniquities. Fasting from food is an important aid to the help purify the soul, and to gain in virtue." (http://www.orthodox.net/questions/forgiveness_sunday_1.html#a4)

I am not Orthodox. But my own spiritual walk has been deeply enriched by learning about Lent. Today I begin my own Fast and shift my thoughts to increased prayer and study, in an effort to draw closer to the Savior, and through His sacred atonement to release myself from my sins.

My practice of Lent will look quite different than those of my Orthodox buddies. But the intent and the inner workings of the journey will have much in common.

Last night went to Stake Conference of my own faith where we were taught by the visiting General Authority, Elder Glenn Pace.

Part of what I got out of the conference is a better understanding of this basic teaching: Scriptures are not the most important avenue to truth. They are the PRELIMINARY to that truth, which is personal revelation. It is through the feelings we get from the Holy Ghost that we come to understand truth at its deepest level. It is important that we study sacred things and fill our mind with the teachings of the prophets, but that is simply like laying the kindling in preparation to light a fire. The Holy Spirit is the one who lights the fire within us to bring us enlightenment and truth, not the culmination of intellectual study of even the most serious scripture scholar. As we immerse ourselves in prayer and scripture study we will open our minds and hearts to receive personal revelation from on high, and over time we can school ourselves in how to recognize it, how to fully receive it, and when we do we must also learn how to follow it.

It is my hope that over the next 40 days of this season of Great Lent I will be able to follow that council. I will try to fine the courage, humility, and determination to do what I need to do to set aside the concerns of the world and open up my own spirit to whatever it is that my Heavenly Father would have me know.

I have two particular tools that I will be using during this time: the book 21 Days Closer to Christ by Emily Freeman and the Jesus Prayer.

This is what Deseret Book has to say about 21 Days: "Nestled between the covers of this beautifully illustrated book is an invitation--an invitation to come closer to Christ through a 21-day journey. Each step of the journey introduces a new concept that will help you come to know and recognize the hand of the Lord in your life. With an emphasis on daily scripture study and personal prayer, each chapter concludes with an assignment designed to help you apply and personalize concepts such as humility, gratitude, and listening to the Spirit. In the rush of everyday life, this unique book provides a refreshing pause and the opportunity to focus our efforts on becoming closer to Christ."

I picked this up at the LDS bookstore in Mesa when we were in AZ for my stepson's wedding. I've flipped through it some and been touched by the beauty of the artwork, inspired by the way the assignments are laid out. I am looking forward to digging in to the meat of it.

Then, my other tool will be the Jesus Prayer. This is something I learned from one of my Orthodox pals, Thomas R.: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner."

Overall I plan to spend more time in prayer in the coming weeks, and to make those prayers more meaningful. But aside from that assigned time in the quiet of my bedroom when I come to my knees, I will strive to keep the words of the Jesus Prayer in my mind throughout each day, silently repeating it as a backdrop to all that I do.

I have much to reflect on in coming to better undertand repentence and forgiveness.
Even though I don't do the ritual that took place today at St. Silouan and countless other Orthodox congregations around the world - I acknowledge that I need to ask for forgiveness for much.

Of the several blogs I write on this is the least read by others...so even though it is available publicly I don't really think of the things I say as meant for anyone but me. Still, for any of my friends or family who may stumble by...I ask for your forgiveness.

Whatever it is that you believe - be it bunnies and chocolate in baskets or the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, may your Easter/Pascha season be blessed.

Callings

2007-08-11T17:11:00.000-07:00

"We believe that a man must be called of God by prophecy and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority to preach the gospel and adminsiter in the ordinances thereof." Article of Faith #5

My husband just got a new calling. After a couple years serving in the Stake High Council he has been called as our Ward's High Priest Group Leader. The Stake President who called him gave him specific instructions to council with me as he made decisions, reminding him that although he will have other priesthood leaders set apart as his assistants, that my insights and input were valuable and appropriate as well.

So as we've been pondering over the ward roster, I've been thinking a lot about the nature of callings.

I believe that many times church callings ARE inspired - that leaders are able to let go of their own personal preferences and bias to open up to know who the Lord would have serve in a given capacity at a particular time. However, I also have seen more than a few cases when choices appeared to be more a matter of desperation than inspiration. Also, I do not believe God ever has things so rigidly planned that only one certain person will do. In plenty of cases I believe there are multiple possibilities for who COULD serve in a given calling and all get the Lord's stamp of approval.

All that being said, it has been quite humbling to go through this process with my husband as we jointly have prayed to know who he should get as assistants in this calling. We went to the temple together to consider it deeper and have pondered on it for days. It has been interesting to watch the layers of our own opinions get peeled away to reveal names of individuals that neither one of us would ever have come up with on our own.

I have served in a variety of callings over the years - some of those callings I felt were truly inspired and some I felt were a matter of sticking someone into a slot that needed filled and believing I'd do no harm.

But this I know for sure: when human beings are willing to humble themselves and ask for God to communicate His will in matters like this, truly sacred communication occurs.

My Handcart is an SUV

2007-07-18T07:07:00.001-07:00

We are fast approaching July 24 - known throughout Mormondom as "Pioneer Day."

Church sacrament meetings and Primary sharing times are replete with lessons learned from those hardy saints who struggled across the plains on their way to Zion.

I've been thinking more about what it is like for us modern day Latter day Saints who are striving to carry our lives across our own versions of the Rocky Mountains on our way to living back in the presence of God.

Our challenges may be different. But the effort and sacrifices required are much the same.

Events in the world seem to be spinning faster and faster with each passing year. What it takes to keep a family on track in this crazy world at times can feel more than a little daunting. The path is not always clear.

But then, when those first saints set out on their trek there was no carefully marked trail for them either. Like my sisters who went before me, I must blaze my own trail at times. I must be willing to keep pushing forward even when every fiber of my body is screaming to stop. I must remember that though the journey may be perilous and difficult, the destination I'm shooting for in no less that exhaltation.

And, like them, I can't do it all at once, but rather by doing the best that I can muster step by step, day by day.

Silver Linings

2007-06-30T17:19:00.000-07:00

I've just finished listening to a book on tape I got from my local library - "Overcoming Life's Disappointments" by Harold Kushner. I've long respected Rabbi Kushner's work - going back to his early book "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People." There were several nuggets, little slips of true and powerful principles in this book that will stay with me for some time. However, the one that really hit home had to do with glass & mirror.

A man was asked to look out a window and tell what it was that he saw. The man responded "I see people." He then was asked to look in a mirror and again report what he saw. "I see myself" was the obvious answer.

"Isn't that interesting?" his companion asked him. Both the window and the mirror are made of glass. However, the mirror has a thin coating of silver on it which obscures your ability to see out to others, making it so you can only see the reflection of yourself. How often is it that when we get a little silver we stop being able to see outside ourselves to others needs, feelings, and concerns and become caught up only with ourselves?

I've given some thought to the relationship between material abundance (getting some silver) and spiritual progression (how we see the world and ourselves.)

I do not believe that poverty is more spiritually honorable than abundance. I don't think that having nice things or a fat bank account is a sin. However, I have seen plenty of examples (both in scripture and in my own observations of the world) of people who allowed lust for money or the things it could provide to cloud their perspective and destroy their focus on the sacred.

In Matt. 6: 19-21 it says:
"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

I don't think this scripture means God is telling us it is bad or wrong to have a nice house or to discourage us from preparing for the future through 401K or other sound investing. But I DO think He is making very clear where our focus should be.

I think it is just as wrong to covet OUR OWN possessions as those of others. I believe I need to acknowledge that ALL THINGS with which the Lord has blessed me are mine only in stewardship. I have the opportunity and the responsibility to help others with my means and I need to make sure what my heart truly treasures is NOT the shiny things of this world, but the shining truths of eternity.

Easy to say - hard to do sometimes.

Each person must decide for himself/herself how much of their time, money, or other resources to give to lift others. How much is enough?

I routinely give 10% of my gross income in "tithing", but I do not consider that a donation at all. That's just giving back to God what was His in the first place. What I wrestle with is AFTER the 10%.... the stuff left over that feels like MINE. How much of that am I willing to share? What is my moral duty? What would I be willing to sacrifice or do without in order to help someone with less?

When does my longing for what's comfortable, convenient or pretty win out over what someone else may truly need? When does my silver cause me to look only at my own reflection rather than out at others?

I will continue to wrestle with that question, I suspect, prayerfully pondering and never really being sure what the best answer is.

I worked for a while as executive director of a non-profit emergency social service agency where I managed a foodbank and made arrangements for homeless shelter among other things. Day in and day out my work was all about helping those who were down and out. Through that experience I really did come to know that no matter how much we help, there will ALWAYS be more need that we can fill. So at what point can we consider our efforts "enough"? When is it okay to relax and enjoy what I have earned?

Is it morally ok to spend money on frivolous things like cable TV when I know there are people going hungry? On the one hand, no matter how much I give, there will still be people who lack. It doesn't really make sense to impoverish myself to help others. But should I get seconds and thirds and fourths of extra stuff (fancy vacations, eating in nice resturaunts, pricy new toys) when there are people who have not had their basic needs met?

As King Benjamin taught: "...I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants. And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength..." (Mosiah 4:26-27)

Clearly, there are no easy answers of how much is enough. We each ponder and pray and find the level that feels right for our family. I'd say that if our giving doesn't pinch some, require some level of sacrifice it's not enough. But how big that sacrifice should be... every person has to decide that for themself.

Who Was Jesus Christ?

2007-06-26T05:11:00.000-07:00

For the past several years I have been assigned to teach various groups of children in Primary, the auxilary organization for children within the LDS church. I've recently been released from this calling, and have been reassigned to work in "Relief Society" which is the organization for adult women. I know from experience that there are opportunities for growth where ever I may serve, but as I make this transition I can't help but reflect on all I've learned while working with the children, and how much I will miss my time there.

In Primary there are monthly themes that convey basic ideas about the gospel. Those themes are then supported by various lessons each week intended to clarify for the children the basic teachings that will give direction to their lives.

The theme for this past February was: "My faith in Jesus Christ grows when I know who He is." (And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God” John 6:69).

That was follwed up in April with "My faith in Jesus Christ grows when I know He is my Savior and Redeemer." (“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” John 3:16).

The final monthly theme for the year wil be "Jesus Christ once lived on the earth, and I have faith that He will come again." (“This same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven” Acts 1:11).

There are so many different ideas in the world about who Christ really was. It is essential that I learn all I can about His life and mission. But beyond knowing things ABOUT Christ, it's far more critical that I know Him in the context of developing a relationship with Him. I do not view Jesus Christ as a facinating historical figure. I know Him to be a very real being who exists TODAY and who has an ongoing interest in my concerns.

One of the songs we often sing that truly resonates with what I believe about Jesus Christ is "I Know That My Redeemer Lives” (Hymns, no. 136)

So, for me the title/heading for this post is all wrong. It should not be who WAS Jesus Christ. It should be who IS Christ. Because He is very much alive. There is much I do not know or understand. But this I am absolutely certain of.

Atonement

2007-06-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

"We believe that through the atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel." (3rd Article of Faith)

Perhaps the most significant AND the most incomprehensible topic in the universe is the that of the Atonement of Christ.

I believe that Christ's sacrifice in Gethsemane far outweighs His death on Calvary. Yes, the crucifixion was a necessary step so that He could die and then be resurrected, breaking the bands of death. But what good would any of that have been without the other step, which allowed Him to also overcome the sins of the world?

Perhaps I'm wrong in giving one greater precedence that the other. Truly, together the two parts of salvation and exaltation work in tandem. As it says in Moses 1:39 - "For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."

Through Christ I will become an immortal being - I will live again after this mortal body is laid to rest. But even more precious to me, through Him I can also gain Eternal Life, which is to return to live in the presence of God. Without the atonement of Christ I would be forever lost, for truly "No unclean thing can dwell in the presence of God."

He knows my actions, He knows my thoughts, He knows the intent of my heart, He knows my desires. There is MUCH there that is unclean.

But, as I am taught in Isaiah 1:18 "...though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

I stand in awe of that.

What I know for sure is that Christ is the Savior of the world - the mediator, the one who made it possible for me to be accepted back into the presence of God even though I have many shortcomings and sins.

What I DON'T know is how this is possible. The whole process of balancing Justice & Mercy remains incomprehensible to me.

What does it mean that He took on my sins? How was that possible? What role does my faith, obedience and repentance have in how I access His priceless gift?

I believe that we will ALL be resurrected as a free gift from the Savior. He wiped out death for each of us, no matter if we were wicked or good, wise or stupid, striving or lazy. But I believe He expects something from us in order for us to fully be forgiven for sin. I believe there is a requirement that I acknowledge my sin, that I allow myself to experience true sorrow and humility, surrendering my sinner's heart to the Savior. I believe I need to honestly strive to overcome my weaknesses. I also need to be willing to forgive others who have caused harm to me. However, no matter what I do - I cannot of my own efforts "earn" my way into the Kingdom of God. I need to do all I can. But in the end, it is ONLY through the Atonement of Christ that I can be forgiven and allowed to enter God's presence.

His Grace is something I just can't wrap my mind around. Still, I know it is real. One scripture I absolutely appreciate is the one found in Mosiah 4:9

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."

There is much I cannot comprehend. But I do know that God lives. I do know that Christ is the means by which I can be forgiven.

On occasion I have attended an Orthodox church and I've been to three different monasteries of that faith. From them I've learned the Greek phrase: "Kyrie Eleison" meaning Lord, have mercy.

The Orthodox concept of mercy is described by Anthony M. Coniaris He writes:

The excellent book "Orthodox Worship" describes the meaning of the word mercy as follows:

"The word mercy in English is the translation of the Greek word eleos. This word has the same ultimate root as the old Greek word for oil, or more precisely, olive oil; a substance which was used extensively as a soothing agent for bruises and minor wounds. The oil was poured onto the wound and gently massaged in, thus soothing, comforting and making whole the injured part. The Hebrew word which is also translated as eleos and mercy is hesed, and means steadfast love. The Greek words for 'Lord, have mercy,' are 'Kyrie, eleison' that is to say, 'Lord, soothe me, comfort me, take away my pain, show me your steadfast love.' Thus mercy does not refer so much to justice or acquittal a very Western interpretation but to the infinite loving-kindness of God, and his compassion for his suffering children! It is in this sense that we pray 'Lord, have mercy,' with great frequency throughout the Divine Liturgy."

I've come to understand at a very personal level that the Atonement of Christ is NOT limited to taking away my sins. As critical as that is, He went even further. Through the atonement, Christ took on all my pains and sorrow. He took on my grief. He took on my loneliness. He took on my self doubt. He took on every moment of fear or shame or sadness. If I allow Him to, He is willing to STILL carry those things, to comfort me, to take my flawed, sinners heart and make me whole.

Lord have mercy
Lord have mercy
Lord have mercy

God's Will

2007-06-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

For the past few weeks I've been waiting on pins and needles to hear if I would get an interview for a particular job that I had applied for. I was so excited about the possible opportunity. From everything I could learn about the job it seemed like I would be a perfect match. However, it now appears I didn't even make the first cut. Since it had been quite a while since the position closed I called the HR department today to inquire. They have scheduled interviews. I'm not on the list.

So I've been disappointed, dejected and down right glum. Then of course I start thinking along lines of questioning what God's plan for me really is. Maybe God has some other job in mind for me. Maybe God just doesn't give a rip what sort of work I do...to Him that could be as inconsequential as whether I wear the red shirt or the blue. He probably cares HOW I work - whether I do so with integrity, set a good example to others, etc etc. But maybe it just doesn't matter whether I'm a plumber or a proctologist.

This is an area where I am filled with ambivalence and ambiguity.

Sometimes I believe that God wants me to be in certain places at certain times for very particular reasons. Other times I suspect that He's not that concerned with the details. Some times I think whether door #1 or door #2 get opened to me or not when I pray for them will be directly related to some cosmic litmus paper test of worthiness. Other times I believe what I want is irrelevant, that all that matters is whether or not it is "God's will."

I believe in a God that knows each of us on a very personal level. He knows our hopes and dreams, He intimately understands our feelings and absolutely knows our needs. I believe God always has our best interest in mind.

But just how much God takes an active role in shaping the day to day events or circumstances we each individually face, I really can't say.

Some days I think He watches it all unfold in whatever manner it is going to unfold, confidant in the knowledge that ALL THINGS can be used for righteousness.

Other times I think that He really DOES intercede on our behalf when we approach Him in faith, so long as what we are asking for is not contradictory in any way to the big plan. "Ask and ye shall receive" right?

But I have logical conflicts with that. Sports are a perfect example. Let's say there are kids in some little league game, and both the players and their families from BOTH sides are praying to win. What does God do? Is there some sort of cosmic calculation over which side has the most prayers? Or who is most worthy / deserving to get the big Yes? Or does He just stay out of it and let the teams duke it out on their own merits?

Is their a heirarchy of what sorts of things are "worthy" to pray for and what things are just wasting God's time?

I DO believe that prayers are heard and answered. Sometimes I think that events truly can and do change as a direct result of the power of prayer. I've seen this in my own life and in the lives of others.

I've also had experiences with not getting something I wanted with all my heart that I had prayed very hard for, only to learn later that having it NOT happen was the best thing once other information came to light.

At one time I used to believe that prayer was like some sort of metaphysical vending machine - if I would put in sufficient obedience and faith then CHA CHING! I could pull the prayer handle, the dials would spin and out would pop whatever it was I really needed. The main determining factors were a)if I was sufficiently faithful and 2)if what I was asked for was or was not consistent with that ever elusive "God's Will."

These days I am more inclined to believe that prayer is not for asking God to change STUFF, but to change ME. What I pray for the most lately is that He will help me understand and accept HIS will. Because so often I'm clueless about what God really wants.

How does one tell if you are moving closer to God's plan or getting derailed?

Sin

2007-06-20T05:04:00.000-07:00

"We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression." (2nd Article of Faith)

I am the middle child of five siblings. The five of us were born across seven years, producing a wild pack of kids who were at times ferociously close and at other times at each other's throats. One of the things that used to make me madder, more outraged than anything else when I was growing up was when I would get blamed or punished for what one of the other kids did. I would howl with the injustice of it. It just felt so unfair, so wrong.

The idea that I could be "born in sin" is appalling to me. I've got trouble enough to contend with dealing with my own flawed, imperfect nature without taking on somebody else's sins right from the start.

I am mortal because of Adam. I will struggle, age and die. But the whole point of the atonement of Jesus Christ was to pay for the sins of the world, giving me a chance to make it through this crazy, complicated life if I will but rely on Him. Because of the atonement, Christ has conquered the two big barriers that cut people off from God: sin and death. Because of His resurrection I too will live again after I die. Because of His atonement, I can be forgiven when I sin.

1 Cor. 15: 22 "For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive. "

I believe that children are born innocent into this world of sin. I believe that the mistakes little kids make do not count as "sin" up until the age of accountability, which my faith accepts as eight years old. Imagine my surprise when in graduate school psych classes on human development I learned about how judgement and moral reasoning develop, and heard that right around the age of eight some key shifts happen making it possible for children to comprehend the consequences of their actions in different ways.

Now, I could go on and on about what is or is not "sin" after that age. I'm sure I'll address that topic as I go on in other posts. But for now, suffice it to say that my belief system is that there is no sin for little ones.

Correlated to that is my understanding of baptism as an expression of faith and symbol of repentance, dieing to the old self and being born again new in Christ. Because that is how I view baptism I do not believe in the baptising of babies. They cannot sin. They cannot repent. They have no need of it.

That being said, I recently had a new understanding of infant baptism when I attended my brother's wedding in Santa Fe.

My oldest brother met his soul mate with the help of e-Harmony. After a very brief whirlwind romance they decided to get married. They had originally planned for a June wedding, but on impulse they got married last December while they were traveling in Key West, Florida. For whatever reason they decided they wanted to formalize their commitment to one another then and there. So they went to the local court house, bought themselves a license and legally tied the knot.

However, they still had their June wedding. It was important to them both to have a ceremony where they could share their union with family and friends. They were already married. They didn't NEED to go through a public ceremony. But that ceremony was very significant to them, and became so to many of us who love them as a way for us to bear witness to their union and to publicly say we are invested in the success of their bond, that we committed ourselves to stand with them in good times and bad, that we were on their side.

I think infant baptism is a lot like that. The baby has no need of it. It doesn't change anything at all in the child's relationship to God, just as my brother's public ceremony did not change his marital status. However, infant baptism, for those who believe in it, gives the family and friends of the child an opportunity to bear witness, to commit to their part in helping raise up that child in the family of God. Now, I believe it is very possible to do the same thing with a Christening that does not involve baptism. In my own faith new babies are given a name and a blessing in a brief church ceremony that is recorded in the permanent records of the church. I believe that is an important event.

But I am convinced nothing bad happens to a baby who happens to die without baptism. I believe that the spirit of that child would go right back to the loving Heavenly Father who sent them here in the first place. I also believe that Heavenly Father does not approve of infant baptism because it is both a distortion of the ordinance of baptism and a dismissing of the power of the Savior's atonement. So religiously I object to infant baptism. Socially, however, I can see how it could be a powerful ritual in people's lives.

Godhead

2007-06-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

"We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost." (1st Article of Faith)

I do not believe in the concept of trinity. I believe in three unique and distinct beings who make up the Godhead.

"God", to me, is "Heavenly Father." He is the the creator of my spirit, the architect of the universe, the author behind the whole design. However, beyond spirit, I believe He has a glorified physical presence. I don't think His body is of the same material nature that ours are. But I do believe that He has arms, legs, a face, and some sort of internal functioning system. He is tangible. When the scriptures say that we are created in the image of God, I think it means that in a very real physical sense. I believe in a God I will one day hug. When my time on this earth is over the day will come when He will draw me up into His arms and welcome me home.

Jesus Christ is aligned with God in a bond that is incomprehensible to me....one in purpose, one in intention, one in Glory. But I believe that Christ is a specifically different being. Like Heavenly Father, Christ also has a physical body. It is the body His spirit was resurrected into after His mortal death on the cross. Again, what the exact nature of that physical presence is I have no clue. But it is real in terms of substance and matter.

The Holy Ghost is the third member of the sacred Godhead. He does not have a physical body. As a spirit being, He has the capacity to touch mortal hearts and minds in some very unique ways. His role is to serve as comforter, testifier of all truth, and a guide to help us to recognize when we are getting closer or further away from Heavenly Father's plan for us. I have no idea what "spirit" is made of or what it looks like. I imagine it as energy, love and light. But I don't know. He is no "ghost" even though that is part of the name we call Him. In my mind, the Holy Ghost is a being of infinite intelligence, compassion, and purpose who is united with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in the grand design of bringing to pass the "immortality and eternal life of man."

I accept the reality of those three beings as absolutely true, even though my comprehension of them is so incredibly limited.

At different times throughout my life I have had very different views about who or what God was. I suspect that my understanding of God and my relationship to Him may continue to evolve as I mature in my Christianity.

Part of what I believe is shaped by the teachings of the scriptures. Part of it is guided by the words of men I accept as modern day prophets. Part of it comes from my own personal experiences and answers to my prayers.

The part that blows my mind is that God knows and cares about me. He's got a whole universe, maybe many universes, to be concerned about. Yet He knows my heart.

When I went to Egypt last fall I has some very special experiences as I was praying on Mt. Sinai that bore witness to my soul in an extremely powerful way that this was true. God knows and cares about me. He has a plan and a purpose for my life. I honestly can't say I fully understand what that purpose is. But I know that it is unfolding, and as I put my trust in Him I will come to understand more.

Pre-Existence

2007-06-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

Many years ago I went to a mall with a neighbor of mine to run some errands. As we were walking along the shops we passed a lady with a TINY brand new baby in her arms. I smiled and said: "You know, I've often wondered if the veil of forgetting happens all at once when we are born or if it closes bit by bit over the first few months of life. Sometimes I think that it's all together possible that brand new infants may still remember what it was like to live with Heavenly Father. Maybe the reason it takes so long for human babies to acquire language is because God knows they still remember that important sacred stuff and He doesn't want them spilling the beans."

My friend looked at me like I was utterly insane and asked with total incredulity "WHAT are you talking about??" Then it hit me. My mistake. Because we were both people of deep faith in God it seemed we had much in common. But the reality was that our beliefs had some very big differences. In fact, MOST faiths do not believe in the concept of pre-existence. Some think our spirit came into being at conception. Some say it happens when a child takes his/her first breath. But other than the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, I don't know of any who believe we lived as spirit children in the presence of God before we were born into this mortal life.

I just forget that sometimes. It feels so absolutely right and true, normal and obvious to me that I lived in Heaven before coming to this world. There I learned and progressed all I could in that spiritual state. Then, I was given the opportunity to CHOOSE to come to THIS life. I have no clue how much I knew about what it would be like. I'm sure it was explained to me that there would be pain, heartache, illness, suffering and death. But those concepts didn't mean a whole lot to me before experiencing what it was like to be in a physical body. So with great confidence and bravado I thought - YOU BET, I think it will be GREAT - SIGN ME UP!

Then came mortality. PAIN. HEARTACHE. ILLNESS. SUFFERING. Oh my. So much bigger than I had ever thought they could be. DEATH. Feels so real, so permanent, so absolute.

Still, it is so worth it. Because along with the sorrow there is joy, there is faith, there is wonder, curiosity, excitement and discovery.

There is so much about God, about life, about death that I do not understand. But there is absolutely not one single shred of doubt in my mind that I lived before I came here. I know without question that my mortal walk in this world is just a blip in eternity, and that when my spirit rises to meet the Savior when I'm all done I will be RETURNING, not going there for the first time.

In the words of William Wadsworth:

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home..."

The Truth Restored

2007-06-14T12:10:00.000-07:00

I was excited to see the new developments of the Church's missionary website: mormon.org

I use LDS.org all the time, either for the online scriptures, resources to prepare talks or just to get news of what's going on in the church world wide. But it had been a while since I had checked out any of the resources over on the other site.

Thanks to Jennifer over at Lord of the Manor for pointing this out!

Finding My Way

2007-06-14T12:05:00.000-07:00

For over 20 years now I have been a practicing "Mormon". Not your typical LDS woman by any stretch of the imagination (if there even is such a thing) I never the less DO believe in my heart and soul that the teachings of my faith are indeed very real.
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There are some things I question and others I plain don't understand. But whenever there is a gap between what I think and what the prophets teach us, I am very clear which one of us needs to move. It ain't Gordon.

I also have had my spiritual life deeply enriched by my exposure to the Orthodox faith. Orthodoxy is SOOOOO different from my own religion. Some find it strange that I continue to have a deep attraction to and affection for the ancient church even while maintaining a firm conviction of the truth of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. I will not try to justify myself here. I will simply say that while I believe the true priesthood of God was restored to the earth through the prophet Joseph Smith, my understanding of repentance has been clarified by Elder Ephraim and my understanding of my worth in the sight of God has been sweetened by friendship with Fr. Daniel and Sub-Decon Thomas, among others at St. Silouan parish.

Over the coming weeks I hope to write what it means to me to be a daughter of God in this fallen world and how my testimony of Jesus Christ gives me the strength to endure, and to find peace, regardless of the chaos that may surround me.

I very much accept the Articles of Faith to be true principles which guide my life. I also recite the Jesus Prayer whenever I am in need of strength. To me this is not some "vain repetition." Instead, it is grabbing out for a lifeline - reaching toward my Savior in a meaningful way that comforts my heart.

Ever Evolving Blogs

2007-06-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

I've been blogging for a while now. I started with the site Apprentice Human in the Making in March of 2006. It was your fairly typical personal blog, originally launched as a way to stay in touch with family and friends. I really did not give any thought at all to it being a "public" site. I just wrote about whatever I was thinking about / doing at the time.

A couple months later I created Mind Muffins to give myself a bit of anonymity. This was the place where I explored some big ideas - and some not so big - but spent more time pondering questions that mattered to me and opened up some debate for whoever happened by. It was less focused on ME, more on what I found interesting, puzzling, annoying, whatever. It was for MM that I created the pseudonym of Belladonna Piranha. It was with that identity that I explored blogs far and wide, sampling various ideas and information. When safely cloaked with that persona I felt more comfortable bantering back and forth, debating ideas or cracking jokes with strangers in the blogosphere.

In June of '06 I also created Curious Minds just to use as a holding tank for educational resources. I occasionally go back to it now to add a new link or two under the various resource lists, but I never planned to post much on it.

By the end of 2006 I was tired of going back and forth between my two different blogs, so I formally closed down shop with Apprentice Human and began focusing on Mind Muffins exclusively.

I've gone through several incarnations with MM - have changed the background template multiple times and have rearranged the sidebar more often than I can count. My interest in keeping it has waxed and waned, but even though I've taken the occasional break from it, I keep coming back to it sooner or later. It's gone through some silly phases. I'm still not entirely sure what it's purpose or focus is. Mainly it's a place where I explore ideas and share with pals - some known and some virtual. I certainly don't take it all that seriously.

Recently I started a brand new blog called Life-by-Design. This is the place where I have been recording various life lessons that have been significant to me. I like that one a lot. I honestly don't care if anyone but me ever looks at LBD. On Mind Muffins I've tended to add or subtract stuff out of consideration of my audience. On LBD I don't. There are no side links, no blog roll, nothing to make it "popular". It's just there for me to remember key insights that were of value to me.

However, as I begin THIS new blog I have a different purpose. This will be the place where I record my expressions of my spiritual journey.

In the Book of Mormon the story is told of how Nephi recorded information on two different sets of plates, transcribing them for all posterity onto the metal pages. The large plates were where he told of the government & political events, wars, social commentary and various comings and goings among his people. The SMALL plates, however, were where he recorded the teachings of the prophets. They were the place for writing down matters of the spirit and truth to be shared with the ages.

This blog will be my own version of Small Plates - where I will write about answers to prayer, sacred reflection, and teachings of the prophets that touch my spirit. I have no illusion that anything I write is going to come even close to the sacred significance of the record kept by Nephi. But if this does nothing more than strengthen my own testimony of Christ, and stand as a witness for what I believe, that will be enough.