God's Will

For the past few weeks I've been waiting on pins and needles to hear if I would get an interview for a particular job that I had applied for. I was so excited about the possible opportunity. From everything I could learn about the job it seemed like I would be a perfect match. However, it now appears I didn't even make the first cut. Since it had been quite a while since the position closed I called the HR department today to inquire. They have scheduled interviews. I'm not on the list.

So I've been disappointed, dejected and down right glum. Then of course I start thinking along lines of questioning what God's plan for me really is. Maybe God has some other job in mind for me. Maybe God just doesn't give a rip what sort of work I do...to Him that could be as inconsequential as whether I wear the red shirt or the blue. He probably cares HOW I work - whether I do so with integrity, set a good example to others, etc etc. But maybe it just doesn't matter whether I'm a plumber or a proctologist.

This is an area where I am filled with ambivalence and ambiguity.

Sometimes I believe that God wants me to be in certain places at certain times for very particular reasons. Other times I suspect that He's not that concerned with the details. Some times I think whether door #1 or door #2 get opened to me or not when I pray for them will be directly related to some cosmic litmus paper test of worthiness. Other times I believe what I want is irrelevant, that all that matters is whether or not it is "God's will."

I believe in a God that knows each of us on a very personal level. He knows our hopes and dreams, He intimately understands our feelings and absolutely knows our needs. I believe God always has our best interest in mind.

But just how much God takes an active role in shaping the day to day events or circumstances we each individually face, I really can't say.

Some days I think He watches it all unfold in whatever manner it is going to unfold, confidant in the knowledge that ALL THINGS can be used for righteousness.

Other times I think that He really DOES intercede on our behalf when we approach Him in faith, so long as what we are asking for is not contradictory in any way to the big plan. "Ask and ye shall receive" right?

But I have logical conflicts with that. Sports are a perfect example. Let's say there are kids in some little league game, and both the players and their families from BOTH sides are praying to win. What does God do? Is there some sort of cosmic calculation over which side has the most prayers? Or who is most worthy / deserving to get the big Yes? Or does He just stay out of it and let the teams duke it out on their own merits?

Is their a heirarchy of what sorts of things are "worthy" to pray for and what things are just wasting God's time?

I DO believe that prayers are heard and answered. Sometimes I think that events truly can and do change as a direct result of the power of prayer. I've seen this in my own life and in the lives of others.

I've also had experiences with not getting something I wanted with all my heart that I had prayed very hard for, only to learn later that having it NOT happen was the best thing once other information came to light.

At one time I used to believe that prayer was like some sort of metaphysical vending machine - if I would put in sufficient obedience and faith then CHA CHING! I could pull the prayer handle, the dials would spin and out would pop whatever it was I really needed. The main determining factors were a)if I was sufficiently faithful and 2)if what I was asked for was or was not consistent with that ever elusive "God's Will."

These days I am more inclined to believe that prayer is not for asking God to change STUFF, but to change ME. What I pray for the most lately is that He will help me understand and accept HIS will. Because so often I'm clueless about what God really wants.

How does one tell if you are moving closer to God's plan or getting derailed?